Salsa is not my thing

So while Kris was watching the Pens game, I really really wanted some homemade salsa. I had tried a recipe that a friend had made which was amazing...but I never got it half as good as hers. The recipe calls for two jalapeno peppers, with all the seeds. I tried it two times before and never got it right. First time was too boring, and the second time was too hot. 

Here's a photo of what I came up with this time:

So after two unsuccessful tries, I thought the third time would be a charm. I would get two jalapenos, and seed the largest one, and keep the other half for some spice. It is STILL TOO SPICY. I was dying last night. Even Kris thought it was too spicy! 

Then, to make matters worse, I managed to get some jalapeno on the front and up inside my nose. It burned so bad so I sat watching the game with an ice cube up my nose. I endeded up looking for home remedies for jalapeno burn online, and found that milk is supposed to help. So I ended up putting a milk-soaked paper towel up my nose for another hour. It finally went away. Then genius me stuck my finger in my eye. Then, it somehow worked its way under my fingernail...it is still burning as I type this. Lesson learned...the next time I make salsa, I'm wearing gloves!  The recipe is below though...Next time, I'm only using a quarter of one jalapeno's seeds...

Ingredients

• 2 fresh jalapeño chiles (or 4 fresh serranos, 1 or 2 habaneros or practically any fresh chiles)
• 3 garlic cloves, unpeeled
• ½ cup white onion, finely chopped
• 1 15-ounce can diced tomatoes in juice, preferably fire-roasted
• 1/3 cup (loosely packed) roughly chopped cilantro
• A teaspoon of fresh lime juice or cider vinegar (optional)
• Salt

Procedure

1. Set a small skillet over medium heat. Lay the chiles and garlic in the skillet and dry-roast until soft and blotchy black in spots, about 15 minutes for the garlic, about 10 minutes for the chile. While the chiles and garlic are roasting, scoop the chopped onion into a strainer and rinse under cold water. Shake off the excess water and pour into a medium bowl.
2. Pull the stems off the roasted chiles and peel the papery skins off the garlic. Scoop them into a food processor and pulse until they are finely chopped. Add the tomatoes with their juice, re-cover and pulse a few more times until the mixture is as coarse or smooth as you want your salsa to be.
3. Pour the tomato mixture in with the onion. Add the cilantro, stir thoroughly. Thin with a little water if necessary to give the salsa an easily spoonable consistency. Taste and season with the lime juice or vinegar and salt, usually about ½ teaspoon. If not using within an hour or two, cover and refrigerate. If you're not planning to use the salsa within a few hours, wait until you're ready to serve to add the onions and cilantro.